Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
