i don't like sucking hair
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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