Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
