forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I touched a dick in church today
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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