Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
