its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
