I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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