clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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