She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
