Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
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How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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