ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
