So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
