mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
40s are totally the cure
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
