I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
