i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
