I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
