Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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