what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
send nudes
from the living room?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
