Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
