a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
