i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
