i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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