i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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