Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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