I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
