i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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