clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
