have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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