You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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