Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
