We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
