If i come over, it means nothing
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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