Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
