you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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