Whod you bang
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
