if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
