dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
