jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
