i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
