I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
