That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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