And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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