if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
