fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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