If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
