i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
