Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
