I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
