Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
