I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
