I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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