I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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