You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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