I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
