it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
