apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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