Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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