one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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