Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
