It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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