Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
