I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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