You made me cry and you don't even care
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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