I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
