it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
