I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I need moral support for this bender
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Randomize
