look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
