i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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