Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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