Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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