Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
