the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
