I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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